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Help Me – I’m Trying to Hire Someone!

Would you like to work for these people?

 

Hiring people is probably one of my least favorite activities.  It’s a complicated process and even the greatest systems have flaws.  We’ve tried individual interviews, group interviews, intelligence tests, personality tests, working interviews – there is no foolproof method.  We’ve hired great people, not so great people and complete duds.

So here’s a rundown of the amazing adventures we’ve had trying to find the right person for our company.

1.  What’s going on will all the typographical errors?  Last time I checked, most word processing programs have spell check and a rudimentary grammar check.   Yet, at least 90% of the resumes we receive have several mistakes.  You’d be surprised how many people applying for an orthodontic position can’t spell orthodontics.  Here is the first sentence of the cover letter of a recent applicant, “Please call me iam available any sceduale of the tiem you will offer.”  Of course, this still doesn’t top the person who spelled their own name wrong.  The grammar isn’t much better.  “Done duties such as x-rays….”  We aren’t expecting a bachelor’s degree in English.  But, if my third grader can write better than you, don’t expect to get hired.

2.   If nothing else, some of these e-mail addresses are entertaining.  What are we supposed to think when your e-mail address is hotsexyandready@mail.com, sweetbrownsugar@mail.com, bobosgirl@mail.com, gottalouvmebaby@mail.com?

3.  Facebook has provided some different insight on the people applying.  We’ve seen nice lingerie shots, a girl kissing her gun, a girl with significant cleavage in an explicit pose with another woman (Matt thought we should give her a chance), bikini shots and pictures showing off large tattoos.

4.  Showing up late to an interview and not apologizing.  Showing up late is equivalent to the kiss of death with me, but if you have a reasonable explanation I won’t completely write you off.  But, the reason better be good.  Your car better have caught on fire on your way.  I’ve had several people show up significantly late and they don’t even mention it in the interview.  The whole time I’m just thinking that there is no way I am going to hire them.

5.  The clothes, hair and makeup on some of these people are nothing short of legendary.  I really wish I could take pictures, because some of them are beyond words.  I’m not sure any of these people have heard the phrase, “less is more” when it comes to the pageant hair and heavy makeup.  In regards to the clothing, I’m assuming the short, tight, low cut outfits are for my husband’s benefit.  But, the stripper heels (on two separate people) – really?  I’m not sure they realize that an orthodontic office is 75% children.

6.  Honestly, can you just be honest?  Just this weekend, one of the girls we talked to had too many stories that just didn’t add up.  She presented conflicting facts on her resume, her phone interview and her in person interview.  By the time she finished talking to us, I calculated at least three major inconsistencies.  As you can imagine, we aren’t going to consider hiring her, even if the lies were fairly harmless.  One of the questions we tend to ask is, “Tell me some of your best qualities.”  We really want to know what the person is like and more often than not, they just tell us what they think we want to hear.  “I’m very enthusiastic” answered in a monotone voice ending with a long, awkward pause doesn’t help your cause.

7.  Please speak proper English!  “When a doctor askis me something, I just have him learn me and I pick it up real fast.”  That was a direct quote.

8.  There is one girl who has submitted her resume every time we’ve posted an ad over the last two years.  We’ve offered her interviews and she’s never showed. ?????

9.  It can’t hurt to compliment a potential future boss.  But, there should be some sincerity and truthfulness in the statement.  “Dr. X and you are the biggest offices in town!  Everyone goes to you or him.”  This coming from a girl with braces on from Dr. Y.

10.  We are one of those odd people who check references.  When we called a previous employer about someone applying for an administrative position, we were surprised to learn she served jail time for embezzling that doctor.  She had legally changed her name to try to conceal a criminal record, but listed him on her resume.

 

I’m sure this is just the beginning.  I’ll have 25 more years of stories to share, so stay tuned!

5 Responses to “Help Me – I’m Trying to Hire Someone!”

  1. Bridgette says:

    I am assuming your typo in #1 is a joke then? Lol
    very funny! Sometimes spellcheck and grammar check
    don’t catch everything and even the most intelligent
    of us make mistakes now and then!

  2. Courtney says:

    Just making sure you were paying attention!

  3. lisa says:

    This is hilarious! U can’t make this stuff up! It is future material for your future book 🙂

  4. Aliesha Bell says:

    WOW!! I’ve had teachers tell me these kinds of stories, but always thought they were just trying to scare me. You know “what not to do when looking for a job”. But to find out these things really happen is just scary. I would imagine it makes for great dinner conversation.:-)

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