Honesty Makes You a Bitch
Now that I’ve been practicing for 12 years and I’ve formed the Women in Orthodontics Study Group, I get frequent messages from residents and new grads trying to find their way in the world. I guess that means I’m old, but I have been through a hell of a lot in those 12 short years of practice. I’ve started two practices from scratch and bought a couple existing practices. I’ve been totally ripped off by lying, cheating people (including some in our profession). I’ve made the right choices that have paid off in a big way. The more of these experiences I have, the more I realize there is still so much to learn.
Some of my negative experiences made my life a living hell. I would never wish those experiences on anyone. I want people to be happy and I want them to succeed. So when people ask me for advice, I am usually pretty honest. Unfortunately for me, this honesty may not be what they want to hear. So instead of realizing that my frank response comes from a place of goodness in my heart, they get mad and call me a bitch – or at least think I am one.
Let me give you an example (this has happened twice recently):
New grad or soon to be new grad approaches me about opening a scratch practice in a saturated, metropolitan area. They want advice on how to succeed. I explain that they are choosing the hardest path possible in the area of orthodontics and that life would be much easier if they could find a location that was better suited for a new practice. They ignore me and continue with the questions. I explain again:
- The right location will allow you to work less and make more. If you find the right area you can do almost everything else wrong and you will succeed.
- If you open in an extremely saturated market, you can do everything perfectly and still fall on your face.
Conversation ends and the person calls me a bitch – or thinks it. Or worse, opens up down the street and starts telling people I told the person not to move to Phoenix because I didn’t want the competition (ugh).
Once again, my advice comes from a caring place in my heart. Read this excerpt from a doc in Northern California:
“When I started my second office I worked like my hair was on fire; I campaigned as if I was running for public office. I scheduled lunches daily with every dentist in a ten mile radius. I did direct mail, television commercials and radio spots. I held Invisalign days and patient appreciation events. We did street fairs and farmer’s markets. I had an advertisement at the local movie theater 30 seconds before the picture would start. I advertised on shopping carts, placed flyers under windshield wipers, offered free iPods. And the universe responded with a resounding “meh”. No one cared………..Life was a bucket of shit with a barbed wire handle.”
Why would I encourage people to follow the same path? I wouldn’t, but I’ve started to learn that you can’t help someone who won’t listen. I was the same way as a resident. I knew it all – or at least more than that person trying to help me. I was special. My situation was different. I wouldn’t make those kinds of mistakes. I was the exception to the rule. Until I wasn’t.
So, I’ve resolved to just ignore my gut instinct to tell people the truth and just respond with, “That’s awesome. You are going to do great.” Otherwise, I’m just a bitch.
Lol I couldn’t agree with you more! The wisdom that comes with experience and the realization that it is better to respond “That’s awesome!”
Private practice for 23 years,
Cynthia